


Lighting Up

by Joycee



Series: Psych [3]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, M/M, Psychologists & Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 01:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4372295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joycee/pseuds/Joycee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal shows up at the Burkes' for an impromptu party and satisfying sex, despite his psychiatrist's concerns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lighting Up

**Author's Note:**

> (Sequential to Mopping Up and Getting Back Up)

Psychiatrist Grace Lilly sat in her office at NYU wondering why she felt so much concern for a patient who seemed to be doing as well as Neal Caffrey was. The was no trace of the anxious weeping young man she had treated several months ago for PTSD. In fact he seemed to have made an almost magical recovery.

Dr. Lilly freely admitted to herself that she found this handsome and charming boy-man with his quick wit and intense moods to be fascinating. In spite of his criminal history, Neal was not a typical sociopath who was incapable of fulfilling interactions with others because of a lack of empathy. Rather, he was a very caring and thoughtful friend and lover who would readily sacrifice his own safety and comfort for others. 

Dr. Lilly thought it was this last aspect of Neal Caffrey that was the key to what was bothering her. Why did a person who obviously had a strong need for loving relationships seem so essentially alone in the world? 

She thought the answer probably was to be found in his mostly unfulfilled cravings for love and sex with his dead lover Kate and his intense relationship with the current center of his universe, FBI Agent Peter Burke. 

The doctor knew that she had not seen Neal’s true feelings of insecurity and heartbreaking longing since her therapeutic MDMA session with the two men. Since then, Neal had religiously shown up for his appointments with her in good humor. He answered her questions and responded appropriately to her prompts to discuss his feelings. 

However, Dr. Lilly was not fooled by his superficial amiability and cooperation. It was an intellectual exercise devoid of any authentic emotion. Her real concern was that below the polished surface was an individual in considerable pain and turmoil that she just did not seem to be able to reach. She worried that he was extremely vulnerable to another incident of severe post-traumatic shock that could be triggered by a relatively minor trauma.

Agent Burke had explained to her that Neal Caffrey’s special insight and abilities made him a critically important member of the White Collar team. That meant frequently going undercover in dangerous situations in order to get information from sophisticated, sometimes violent, criminals. The entire operation often depended on Neal’s contribution.

Unfortunately, Neal’s impulsive competitive nature compelled him to take enormous risks in order to get whatever he went after, whether legally or illegally. Dr. Lilly wondered if some of that was an unconscious desire to hurt himself or a way of coping with a kind of emotional numbness from repressed feelings. 

Dr. Lilly felt that, despite outward appearances, Neal was the proverbial accident waiting to happen and she wanted very much to save him from that if she could. The doctor made up her mind to call Peter Burke again and ask for his assistance if Neal would agree to it.

Peter was at his desk watching the activity below him. Neal was demonstrating how quickly he could slip out of a pair of handcuffs as a group of Peter’s new agents gathered around him. Peter noted that Diana was at her desk, unamused, and Jones looked like he was about to collar a couple of agents and drag them back to their desks.

Peter smiled and then sighed and stepped out of his office, calling, “Neal?! Show’s over. We all have a lot of work to do. Everybody – team conference in 15 minutes – new case.”

Neal grinned and saluted, giving him a snappy, “Yes Sir” with a wink; then sauntered over to his own desk, tossing the handcuffs up and catching them as he went. Then he turned and asked, “Does this mean we’re getting Thai Take-out for lunch?”

Peter gave him a menacing look and said, “Neal….” and then, on second thought, turned and said, “Jones? Order Thai Take-out for lunch for everyone.” Peter smiled to himself as he went back into his office to answer his phone.

He was surprised to hear Dr. Lilly’s voice on the other end. “Agent Burke,” she started, “I hope this is not a bad time….”

“Peter, remember?” he replied, “No, I have a couple of minutes. It’s nice to hear from you.”

Dr. Lilly told him, “Peter, I’m calling about Neal.”

Peter frowned and looked concerned. “Is there a problem?” he asked. “He seems to be doing so well lately.”

Dr. Lilly sighed, “Well, you may be right. He is certainly cheerful, and always very cooperative. I just don’t believe he has resolved the underlying issues that led to his breakdown and I’m concerned it could happen again. In your line of work, that could be dangerous.”

Peter responded thoughtfully, “How can I help?”

“I’m not sure, Peter,” Dr. Lilly answered, “But I wonder if you could spare time to meet with me.”

“Sure, I’ll make time, “ Peter said, looking down with affection at Neal going over the Thai menu with Jones. He made a mental note to make sure Neal had given the handcuffs back to whoever they belonged to.

“I hoped you would understand. Could we plan on lunchtime tomorrow?” she offered. 

Peter said, “That should work. Thanks for calling me.”

Then he grabbed the files for the new art forgery case that had just come in and headed for the conference room. It was a case just made for Neal’s skills and Peter knew Neal would be excited about it.

After the meeting, Peter called Neal to his office. “Are you still seeing Dr. Lilly?” he asked. 

“Yep,” answered Neal, “Still seeing her.” Peter asked, “And how is that going?”

“Fine,” Neal replied noncommittally, “I guess. I like her. We talk. You know.”

“She called me this morning and asked to see me,” stated Peter carefully.

“She say why?” asked Neal seriously. “Not really,” Peter answered, “I’ll let you know.”

Then Neal changed the subject back to the case and began asking questions and sharing his ideas. Peter asked, “Are you sure you’re ok with this, Neal? It doesn’t sound dangerous, but you never know.”

Neal looked at him. “Are you kidding, Peter? I’m perfect for this case! Who ya gonna call?”

“OK, Ghostbuster,” Peter joked, hiding a smile, “Don’t get too smug. Even the great Neal Caffrey isn’t perfect.”

“I’m not?” Neal deadpanned and Peter shooed him out of his office.

That evening, Peter confided to his wife that Dr. Lilly had called him about Neal. Elizabeth frowned and asked, “Did she say why she was concerned? Neal seems to be doing great. I didn’t even know he was still seeing her.”

Peter replied, “He is. I’m going to meet with her tomorrow to talk about it. We picked up a new case today that is perfect for Neal so I hope there isn’t a problem.”

 

When Peter met with Dr. Lilly during her lunchtime the next day, that was what he told her. The doctor replied, “Peter, I’m concerned that Neal cannot really have recovered from his recent trauma as quickly and thoroughly as it seems. That has never been my experience with patients who had symptoms as severe as Neal’s were.”

Peter assured her, “Well, Neal is really quite a remarkable person.”

Dr. Lilly smiled, “He is indeed, and you would know that as well as anyone.” She hesitated a minute before saying quietly, “Peter, I need to ask you some questions about you and Neal.”

Peter looked away for a moment and then faced her. “What do you want to know?”

Dr. Lilly said frankly, “You are older than Neal, you are happily married, you are Neal’s boss at work and his most trusted friend.” She continued, “Peter, you were his nemesis in his past life, you are his anchor in his present life, and you are the key to his future.”

Peter felt a kind of embarrassed pride. He nodded for her to continue.

“I would like to understand the sexual nature of your relationship,” she stated straightforwardly.

Peter smiled weakly and said, “Well, you get right to the point, don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t waste your time with small talk,” she replied, “and I know you love Neal and want the best for him.”

“And you wonder whether I am doing right by him,” Peter added glumly.

“That is not what I said, Peter,” Dr. Lilly responded. 

“But it’s what you are thinking, isn’t it?” Peter challenged.

“Should I be concerned?” she countered.

Peter sighed and said, “You’ve met Neal. You must see what a brilliant and compelling man he is. He seduced me in every sense of the word. He presents me with a valuable professional partnership, a deep friendship, an incredible intellectual challenge, a serious emotional burden, and a profound sense of responsibility.” His voice dropped as he added, “And a physical temptation that I can’t seem to resist.”

Dr. Lilly explained, “Neal has no respect for boundaries, legal or personal. He decides what he wants and he sets out to get it however he can. Yet he does have a conscience and an ability to care deeply for others.” Dr. Lilly told him. “My concern, as yours must be, is whether he makes decisions that are in his own best interest, or whether he is compelled by deep inner needs that he does not understand.”

“That sounds more like a question for you to answer than for me, Doctor, but believe me, I have struggled with that, too.” Peter offered.

“That’s why I would like to learn more about his relationship with you, Peter,” she explained. “You are clearly the most important person in his life right now. He lights up whenever you are around.”

For a moment, tears welled up in Peter’s eyes and he swallowed hard. “Alright, Doctor, I’m willing to cooperate with you. Where do you want to start?”

Dr. Lilly said lightly, “I think we’ve made a good start for today. Why don’t we meet again next week to talk some more?”

Peter noted the time and agreed, “Yes, I have to get back to the office now.”

“Of course,” she assured him. “But Peter, I have to warn you that it would be better not to place Neal in any dangerous situation at this point as he is quite likely to have another severe response to trauma.”

“Are you advising me not to allow Neal to participate in this case? Because if you are, I will have to respect that, but I know Neal will resent it,” Peter answered.

“No, I’m not going to try to make that decision for you,” she demurred. “That has to be up to you.”

Peter started to leave and then turned back to ask seriously, “Are you telling me to avoid sex with Neal, doctor?”

Dr. Lilly raised her eyebrows and replied, “Same answer, Peter. See you next week.”

“Wait, one more thing,” Peter added. “I need to know if you are going to talk to Neal about this conversation. I’m not comfortable going behind his back.”

“Yes, I am going to tell Neal what we talked about, and you are also free to do so,” she assured.

Peter was in turmoil all afternoon. The questions the doctor had raised about his relationship with Neal had been troubling him for a long time. Yet he felt powerless to resist his overwhelming attraction to Neal, intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. 

Peter managed to avoid Neal without being obvious about it for the rest of the week, but he knew that could not last long. The worst thing was that this was not really a problem he could take home to discuss with El, even as understanding as she was about Neal.

Neal immediately sensed a subtle change in Peter’s interactions with him. He guessed that the reason was Peter’s talk with Dr. Lilly and that made Neal feel angry with both of them. 

When Neal kept his next appointment with the doctor, he began by saying testily, “I think you have been interfering with my life, Dr. Lilly. Without my permission. I’d like to know why.”

“You’re angry with me, Neal. That’s understandable,” the doctor started out, “but I had no intention of keeping anything from you.”

“Oh no?” Neal challenged calmly, but with a dangerous edge to his voice, “Is that why you told Peter to avoid me?”

Dr. Lilly looked at him sympathetically. “Is that what you think I did? Did Peter tell you that?”

Neal relaxed a little and admitted, “No, he didn’t tell me that, but that’s what he’s been doing since he met with you last week.”

Dr. Lilly looked at him and stated, “Neal, I didn’t tell Peter to avoid you. I would never do that. I know how important he is to you and that’s what we talked about.” 

Neal asked anxiously, “Well, then why do you think he is giving me a cold shoulder?”

She explained carefully, “Maybe my conversation with him made him a little uncomfortable about how important he is in your life.”

Neal raised a questioning eyebrow and she continued, “Peter is your captor, your boss, your advisor, your friend, and your lover. Those are a lot of roles for one person to fulfill.”

“I don’t mind,” Neal blurted quickly, "and I don’t think I’m such a burden to him.”

Dr. Lily explained, “The question is not whether you are a burden, but whether you perhaps place too much trust in one person to fill all of those roles, especially when they sometimes raise conflicts of interests.”

Neal mused, “I see what you mean, but I don’t really depend on Peter. I mean I’m my own person and he’s his. He can choose what he wants to do with me.”

“But can you choose what you want to do with him?” the doctor pursued gently.

“Of course….” Neal started to answer, “I mean, except for the anklet, and going back to prison.” He hesitated and then breathed softly, “Oh, I see what you mean.”

Dr. Lilly nodded, and then Neal continued, “But I do choose to stay with Peter. I could get away anytime I really wanted to. He knows that.”

“Perhaps he does,” agreed his doctor mildly. “Why don’t you think about that and we’ll talk about it next week.”

Neal no longer felt angry, but he did feel confused. “Should I talk to Peter about this?” he wondered.

“I think that decision is entirely yours,” she responded, “and Peter’s, of course.

 

Neal and Peter drifted back into their usual busy routine at work and neither one brought up their conversations with Dr. Lilly, although they both gave them a lot of thought on their own. 

By the weekend, Neal was feeling insecure so he lied to Peter that he had a date for Saturday night, but Peter shouldn’t worry because he would stay inside his radius. Peter felt a twinge of jealousy, but covered it quickly by teasing Neal about living a playboy life. He told him, half seriously, “Don’t get into any trouble out there.”

Neal replied with a slight edge, “I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do.”

When Saturday night came, though, Neal felt lonely and tense. He wanted to see Peter. He needed to be touched and reassured that he was safe and that he was still important to Peter. Realizing how those thoughts fit into Dr. Lilly’s questions, he sighed, but he could not stop himself from finding an excuse to seek Peter out. He just needed to know how they stood.

Afraid that Peter might decline to see him if he called first, Neal decided to go over and visit him unannounced. After all, he had always been welcome in the Burkes' home. 

On the cab ride over, Neal thought about his complex relationship with the Burkes. He found Peter’s wife beautiful and gentle and understanding. Elizabeth always treated Neal well and she seemed like the ideal wife for Peter. 

Her dark hair and pretty face with bright blue eyes reminded him of Kate, or what he remembered of her. He consciously put that thought and other serious subjects out of mind for a while. Tonight he was just going to have fun with his friends.

The knock on their door on Saturday night surprised the Burkes. They looked at each other and giggled and El hastily tried to clean up the evidence of their recreation while Peter went to the door. 

"Surprise, Burkes!" Neal called out cheerfully. "Can I come in? I brought wine and goodies!"

"Neal! I thought you had a hot date tonight!" exclaimed Peter. "What are you doing here?"

"Aww, she stood me up," Neal lied sheepishly. "Can I come in - or are you going to turn me away, too?"

Peter called out nervously, "Hey Hon, it's Neal!"

Neal looked closely at Peter and noticed his slightly fuzzy red eyes. As he entered the house, he saw Elizabeth sitting on the couch, feet tucked up under her, giggling hysterically. The smell of marihuana smoke filled the room.

He stopped in complete surprise as he realized he had just interrupted the Burkes in the process of getting high. Then he said, "Well, aren't you going to invite me to join the party?" As Peter gave him a sheepish look, Neal joked, "What did you do? Rob the Evidence Room?"

Peter mumbled, "Something like that," as El fished a plastic Baggie and some papers out from under the seat cushion. "Come on in and join us, Neal," she beckoned. "You're a little late so you'll have to roll your own."

Peter just shook his head as Neal reached for the papers. "This is not the way I pictured this evening going," he complained.

"Aw, come on, you wouldn't hold out on me, would you? Share and share alike, Partner," Neal teased. He expertly rolled a tight joint and lit it with the match Elizabeth supplied him.

Neal inhaled deeply and confessed, "I haven't done this in a such long time!" Peter relaxed and offered, "Well, welcome to the party."

Neal teased, "So, tell me, do you two do this often?" Peter replied indignantly, "Of course not!" 

El laughed, "Oh Hon, what are you so uptight about? I'm sure Neal isn't shocked to find out you smoke a little weed every now and then."

Neal chuckled, "Actually, I kind of am."

"See?" worried Peter, "I'll never live this down."

Neal said innocently, "Live what down? Let's just have some fun!" He passed the joint to Peter.

"Well, yeah, okay, I guess. It's too late to worry now anyway." Peter relaxed and inhaled deeply. He offered, "El?" And the three friends passed the joint around until there was only the tiniest roach left.

Neal, feeling totally high, asked them when was the first time they ever smoked.

"Believe it or not," admitted a completely relaxed Peter, "Weed is not unknown at Quantico."

"Or at college," Elizabeth added. "What about you, Neal?"

He laughed and just said, "Ask Mozzie." Peter sighed, "Of course."

They began sharing stories and laughing, all three just enjoying feeling high and being together for awhile. Neal got up and reminded, "Oh, let me get the wine. And I brought treats, too! I stopped at an Italian bakery on the way."

Elizabeth squealed with delight and went over to examine the goodies. Peter smiled fondly at both of them. "I'll let you two serve me," he sighed as he stretched out on the vacant couch. 

El and Neal brought the wine and dessert over and she nestled in with Peter on the couch. Neal stretched out on the floor beside them, leaning up against the couch, feeling warm and content.

Neal smiled happily at Elizabeth. He reached up with his finger and affectionately wiped a little icing from her cheek and then sensuously rubbed it across her lips. She licked it off, murmuring, "Mmm, delicious."

Neal dipped his finger in some pastry cream and slowly coated her lips with it. Peter leaned over and kissed it off and El purred with contentment. “My boys,” she said affectionately.

Peter moved his hand down to caress her breasts intimately and she squirmed with delight. It seemed perfectly natural for Peter and Neal to lean across her to explore each other's mouths in a long sweet kiss. As Elizabeth responded excitedly to her husband's practiced touch, Peter worked his hand down inside her pants. 

Sharing the excitement, Neal's hand went to his crotch and he unbuttoned his pants to release his growing erection.

As Peter inserted his long middle finger into his wife's vagina and began to massage her, El moaned with pleasure and raised her hips to meet him. Neal traced her face with the tips of his fingers and stroked her soft pretty hair. He let his hand drift down to her breast and he took Elizabeth's hand and slowly rubbed it against his cock.

Peter pressed his own hard cock against Elizabeth's thigh as he expertly masturbated his wife to a thrilling climax. When El cried out in delight, both men nuzzled her face and neck. Finally, she lay still, exhausted and filled with peace. 

Peter kissed her mouth tenderly and whispered, “I love you so much, Hon."

El sighed sleepily and cuddled into her husband, mumbling, "I love you too, Sweetie." 

After a few minutes, Peter gently gathered her up and said, "Time to put you to bed, Babe." He supported his very stoned wife up the stairs and gently tucked her in, kissing her and repeating that he loved her. She sighed happily and drifted into sleep.

When Peter came back down the stairs, Neal was slouched on the couch, lighting another joint. He held it up to give to Peter and smiled lazily. Peter took the joint and inhaled long and deeply and passed it back as he lowered himself onto the couch next to Neal. Both men were relaxed and still partly hard from watching El climax.

When they had finished smoking, Neal rolled his eyes and gave Peter a sheepish smile. Peter reassured him, "Yeah, I'm high, too."

The two friends casually began to share rambling thoughts about life and love and work, drawing closer together as they talked. Peter took Neal's hand as he confessed fondly, "Neal, I've never known anyone like you."

Neal casually dipped a finger into the Italian cream again and this time he spread it lightly over Peter's lips, using one finger to press some into Peter's mouth. Peter sensuously licked his lips and Neal's finger; then he reached his hand over to caress Neal's soft hair where it met it his neck.

Neal leaned in for a sweet kiss and probed Peter's mouth with his tongue. This time, it was Peter who moaned and responded to Neal's touch, and Neal reached down and unzipped Peter to free his bulging cock. 

Neal dipped a finger in the icing again and spread it over the head of Peter's penis. Peter gave a little cry and pulled Neal into his arms for a deeper kiss. 

When they broke apart again, Neal wet his fingers with frosting and this time he ran it along the length of Peter's turgid cock. Neal began to stroke him painfully slowly with a light touch and then, as Peter squirmed and groaned, Neal dipped his head to lick the icing off. Peter stifled a cry at the exquisite sensation.

As Peter responded to his tongue, Neal gradually took him into his mouth and began nipping and tickling him with his tongue. Peter's mind went blank as he was drawn into Neal's rhythmic sucking and he thrust himself toward Neal's throat.

Neal slowly withdrew leaving Peter in agony as he moved to undress them both. When they were naked, they stretched out on the couch in a tight embrace as they rutted against each other, enjoying their heightened sensations of warm skin to skin contact.

Peter reached out to scoop up some pastry cream and traced a line around Neal’s nipples and down to his belly. He took his time in licking it off, giving little bites to each nipple, causing them to stand straight up, and leaving Neal begging for more.

Then Peter worked his mouth down to find Neal’s warm wet cock and the salty taste of semen mixed with the sweetness on his tongue. Peter groaned and took Neal into his mouth as Neal writhed and moaned under him.

Neal reached down and slowly drew Peter back up to lie on top of him and invaded his mouth, their tongues mingling. Peter extended his arm and grasped both of their straining cocks. They moved together, rocking slowly at first and increasing the pace until they found their rhythm, until Neal let out a strangled cry and they both finally exploded in orgasm.

They continued to slowly caress and kiss each other's naked skin as their racing heartbeats and labored breathing gradually returned to normal. Neal lay cradled in Peter's strong arms feeling thoroughly satisfied and loved and safe. Peter looked at Neal with wonder as he realized how much he loved this beautiful man.

After a short nap, Neal extricated himself quietly and dressed. He leaned over to kiss his sleeping lover and whispered softly, "You light up my life." Then he slipped out the door, sparing his friends any awkwardness in the morning, and went home to relive the night in dreams in his own bed.

 

Monday morning, Peter and Neal worked together in perfect sync. They fed each other’s ideas and completed each other’s sentences. The whole unit crackled and clicked when things were going well at the beginning of a new case and Peter and Neal were at the top of their game.

Peter found himself thinking, “If there is something wrong with this, I don’t even want to know what it is.” That afternoon, he phoned Dr. Lilly and canceled his next appointment with her.

**Author's Note:**

> The White Collar characters were created by Jeff Eastin for USA TV.


End file.
